the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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