someone threw a dead crab at me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
