We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
