She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed