I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.