I cockslap morals
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?