What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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