The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
