Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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