how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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