i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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