im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
