just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
