we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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