If i come over, it means nothing
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
