before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
