Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think my vagina is haunted
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
