the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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