Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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