Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
