Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize