I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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