I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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