Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
