i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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