So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
