dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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