hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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