I'm sorry my penis didn't work
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
