i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
