What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
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i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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