She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
