I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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