When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
