i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
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Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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