My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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