sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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