dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
