Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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