ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
