My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
