i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
