Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
