I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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