Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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