I think my fart just growled at me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
