It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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