If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I touched a dick in church today
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
