Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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