Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am naked and annoyed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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