my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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