Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
