you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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