Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
