Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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