My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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