I wish I could teleport
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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