Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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