Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
