are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
