the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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