He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
