And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
