Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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