yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ttyl tear gas
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
