If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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