He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
