And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my sisters under your porch take her home
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
