He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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