69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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