her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
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I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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