Can Purell be used as lube?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
