You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
